Created by Stacy @ stacyfinch.com & Adrianne @ discoverautism.ca 

The holidays are full of potential for connection, joy, and, let’s face it, some chaos. For families with neurodivergent children, the season can bring extra challenges. Bright lights, noisy gatherings, and disrupted routines can easily overwhelm kids—and their parents, who are often neurodivergent, too! As someone supporting these families, your role isn’t to fix or solve but to offer understanding, flexibility, and space for families to navigate the season in ways that truly align with their needs—not in the ways society or systems say the holidays “should” look.

The truth is, it’s probably quite difficult to imagine what the holidays are truly like for neurodivergent families if you’re not walking this path yourself. That’s okay—approaching this work with humility and curiosity is a powerful way to support families. Trust that when given space to attune to their needs, these families will find their own answers. Just being there—ready to listen, adapt, and honour their unique journey—is the best gift you can give.

🎄 Why the Holiday Season Feels Overwhelming for ND Kids 🎄

The holiday season is full of changes and excitement, which can be magical—but also a lot. For neurodivergent kids (and their families), this time of year often brings unique challenges that are important to understand:

• Crowded Spaces: Parties, family gatherings, busy public places, and even classrooms can feel overstimulating and difficult to navigate.
• Sensory Overload: Bright lights, loud music, strong smells, and other festive sensory elements can easily overwhelm sensitive nervous systems.
• Excitement & Surprises: The unpredictability of gifts, visitors, and schedule changes adds to the stress load, even when the intentions are joyful.
• Sooo Many Treats: Candy, rich foods, and sugary snacks might be exciting but can also affect energy levels, mood, and overall regulation.
• Changes in Routine: School breaks, travel, holiday concerts, special events, parades, and even seeing Santa mean losing the predictability that many neurodivergent kids rely on as an anchor for regulation.
• Dysregulation: With all these factors combined—including the excitement, energy, and dysregulation of other kids—neurodivergent children may feel overwhelmed, tired, or act out as their way of communicating stress or discomfort. When this accumulates over time, it can even lead to burnout.
• Adults Are Extra Busy: During the holidays, parents and caregivers often juggle more demands, which may naturally limit their availability for connection. This can leave kids with less access to their usual sources of co-regulation, making it helpful for supporters to step in with understanding and offer small acts of support, like engaging with the child in an interest-based or playful activity.

Of course, there’s more, but this is a starting place to understand the hidden stress of the holidays. Recognizing these challenges helps us approach the season with more empathy and understanding. By keeping these stressors in mind, you can better empower kids and their families in creating a season that feels safe, joyful, and manageable.

Listen First

Parents often need to feel seen, heard, and empowered to do things differently—whether that means exploring boundaries or letting go of traditions that simply don’t work for their family (and probably never have). The holidays can be overwhelming, especially when families feel pressure to conform to societal expectations that don’t align with their needs.

• Offer a Listening Ear: Instead of jumping to solutions, try attuning and listening, perhaps offering a bit of validation, “That sounds really hard,” and pause. Give the parent space to share what’s on their mind without rushing to respond. Remember, this is likely a very different path than the one you are walking, and your role is to listen, not fix.
• Validate Their Efforts: Acknowledge how much they’re juggling—whether it’s managing their child’s sensory needs, navigating a Santa visit, or balancing family expectations. A simple “You’re doing so much for your family” can go a long way in helping them feel valued.
• Be Curious, Not Judgmental: Ask open-ended questions like, “What feels most challenging right now?” or “What do you think would work better for your family?” This shows genuine interest in their experience and helps build trust.
• Focus on Regulating Yourself: Your ability to stay regulated, present, and grounded is key to showing up for ND kids and their parents. Prioritize your own regulation so you can offer the steady, empathetic support they need.

Support in Ways That Fit the Family

Every neurodivergent family is unique, with its own rhythms, needs, and ways of navigating the season. For many, this involves rethinking or rebuilding traditions to better align with their values and needs. During the holidays, approach each family with curiosity and an open mind, recognizing that their priorities will—and should—look different. You have the opportunity to support these important and life-changing shifts! Flexibility and collaboration are key. Instead of assuming or offering blanket recommendations, focus on supporting the family’s unique needs. Let them take the lead in shaping holiday plans, and offer advice or suggestions only if asked. This approach empowers families to create a holiday experience that feels safe, meaningful, and supportive for them.

• Ask What They Need: Gently ask, “What would be most helpful for you right now?” to keep the focus on their priorities, not yours. This simple question shows respect for their expertise in their own lives and encourages open communication.

• Offer Practical Support: Small gestures can make a big difference. Let the family take the lead in deciding what’s helpful—whether it’s saying ‘no’ to an event, offering a regulating activity, brainstorming sensory-friendly adjustments, or simply being an ally during family gatherings.

• Meet Them Where They Are: If a family cancels plans or changes course at the last minute, understand that this is often necessary and in their best interest—not personal. Respond with warmth and understanding, such as, “Thanks for letting me know. Thinking of you all!” Flexibility and connection show that you’re on their team, ready to support them wherever they are.

• Discuss Expectations Ahead of Time: Having an open conversation before the holiday season can make everything smoother. Let families know they have full permission to do what they need, without guilt or explanation. Make adjustments as easy and barrier-free as possible, such as agreeing to a quick text like, “Today isn’t going to work. Thanks!”

Meeting Families Where They Are

At the end of the day, the best way to support a neurodivergent family is to follow their lead. They know their child best and understand what works—and what doesn’t—for their unique needs. By listening, adapting, and standing alongside them—without judgment or expectations—you can help make the season a little lighter and more manageable for everyone involved.

You don’t have to solve anything. Often, the most meaningful support is your willingness to show up with kindness, flexibility, and an open heart. Encourage parents and kids to tune into what will best serve them during the holidays, trusting that they know their own needs.

Your presence—whether it’s offering a listening ear, stepping in with small, practical support, or simply affirming their choices—can be a powerful reminder that families are not alone on this journey. These small acts of understanding create ripples of connection, safety, and empowerment that can make all the difference during what is often a season of mixed emotions.

Remember, the greatest gift you can give is your belief in their ability to create a holiday season that truly works for them. By meeting families where they are, you help lighten their stress load and help them feel seen, supported, and valued.